I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
