i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
