she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
