My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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