Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
