Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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