wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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