don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
