I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
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It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
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Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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