The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
