that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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