i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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