Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
