Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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