Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
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Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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