she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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