I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
