He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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