long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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