Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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