Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
