yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
