You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
