I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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