i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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