Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you win again, gameday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
