Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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