Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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