friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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