He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
