I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
