You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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