Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
