I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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