grandma shit on top of the toilet
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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