I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
