It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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