He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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