Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
