It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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