all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm too high and old for this...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
