hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
