i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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