is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
