you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
