Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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