I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize