Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
