woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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