hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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