woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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