god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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