If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
