It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
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at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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