You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need a shit load of segways right now
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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