Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
