Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize