not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
