Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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