Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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