my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
