youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
