GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
