I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
my poor anus
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
