Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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