I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
