I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
