Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
