Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
